I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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