I skipped work to stalk him.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
