shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
