dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
