Im at strip club and am horny
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
