drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dicks are not precious.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
