Someone shit on the floor
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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