and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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