Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
