I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
