I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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