i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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