So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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