He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
