Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
