ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
