She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
