He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
