hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
