I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
