I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
