Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
