What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
