3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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