My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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