i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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