I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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