there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
this must be what syphilis tastes like
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
