Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
