I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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