Already got asked if we're dating
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
