I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
