it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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