WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
