he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
