Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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