Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
