69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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