Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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