Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
