you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
