I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
