i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
