please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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