he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
