His pubic hair was longer than his dick
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
