Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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