She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
