I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
