we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
