Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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