i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
